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By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT
Parenting after divorce can be complex, frustrating and confusing. However, every day parents around the world are coping with the challenges and raising happy, well-adjusted children. There are many factors that influence your effectiveness as a parent. In this article we’ll review some of the major components of the post-divorce parenting success formula.
Step 1: ATTITUDE
Attitude plays a big part in the success of any Child-Centered Divorce. If you approach your divorce with a commitment to making it as positive an experience as possible for the children you love, you are on your way to succeeding.
What attitude are you conveying about your divorce? Try to catch your thoughts and the way you speak about it. Are you filled with negativity? Are your days consumed with a “poor me” state of consciousness? Are you attracting and spending time with others who share those sentiments? If so, it’s time for an overhaul in your thinking and attitude.
A Child-Centered Divorce is created over weeks, months and years of attention to positive parenting. It’s never too late to start regardless of how long you have been divorced. The decisions you make today will affect the relationships within your family tomorrow and for decades to come.
Step 2: PERCEPTIONS
The world is what we perceive it to be. Whether you believe it’s good or bad – you will be right — and create an outcome to justify your belief.
If you perceive yourself to be a victim in your divorce, you will focus on evidence to prove that to be true.
If you instead take your divorce as a life experience to learn from, you will derive many benefits and value from the divorce, no matter how much pain is also involved. You will also accept responsibility for the part you played in the process and be more willing to contemplate new ways to live your life in the future that will bring more positive results.
Sadly, it’s through challenging experiences that we grow and learn the most from life. Are you uncovering meaningful lessons for you?
Step 3: LOOK FOR THE GIFT:
There are always lessons to be learned from painful experiences. If you perceive those lessons as “gifts” to you – wisdom and opportunities you will never have otherwise experienced, you can move on from your divorce a better, stronger, wiser person. There is always a gift to be received if you look for it.
Step 4: RESPECTFUL PARENTING
Getting past your divorce is but a small piece of the Child Centered Divorce puzzle if you are a parent. Working through the challenges of creating successful communication with your ex is a goal that must be worked on continuously. Keep your children in mind before making any decisions related to their well-being and you will stay on course.
Because you and your former spouse will be parenting your children for many years – and decades to come — it makes sense to start off on the best possible course. The first step is to develop a respectful relationship with your ex. Remember that is your child’s other parent whom they love. Treat your former spouse with that level of awareness and dignity in all your communication and they are more likely to return the same level of respect to you. Changes may not happen overnight. But with patience and persistence things can and will improve.
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, is the author of How Do I Tell the Kids … about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook™ Guide to Preparing Your Children — with Love! For more information, free articles on child-centered divorce, her free ezine, coaching services and other valuable resources, go to: http://www.childcentereddivorce.com.
© Rosalind Sedacca 2009 All rights reserved.