Healing from relationship loss

Where there’s a will, there’s a way

by Will Limón, MSW

As a facilitator of the Fisher Rebuilding Seminar for 20 years, I’ve learned a great deal in my own life and from the participants in my seminars.  In this column I’ll answer your questions and offer insights about the divorce process and how to heal from relationship loss.

 

When I discuss divorce, I’m referring to any relationship-ending situation.  One need not be legally married to face emotional divorce.  The most important perspective when confronting relationship loss is realizing that it is an “acute situational crisis.”  This means that the pain, frustration and complications you may be experiencing are bound up with the ending of your relationship.  While this may seem obvious, many people allow the difficulties of this transition to define their existence.  They believe that life is unbearably changed for the worse.  For these individuals, it’s no surprise that anger, depression and bitterness can become lifelong companions.  Others choose differently.  They face their loss by learning from what happened, appropriately expressing their emotions and evolving their lives.  They make this “situational crisis” into an amazing opportunity for growth and renewal. 

“We tend to get what we expect” said that famous positive thinker, Norman Vincent Peale.  My encouragement to you is to expect that you’ll not only survive your divorce, but that because of it you’ll thrive.  To do this you must face your loss head on.  Get involved with a seminar like Rebuilding that will provide knowledge, skills and support your emotional process as you move through this experience to create a better life.  It’s not only possible; it’s been done by a great many people.  I’ve had Rebuilding Seminar participants want to send a “Thank You” note to their ex-partners because their divorce had become a catalyst for treasured growth.

Yes, divorce is tough, but that doesn’t mean you can’t grow through it.  I know.  I’ve been divorced, and I’ve helped thousands of men and women just like you work through their relationship loss.  Send me questions about your divorce situation.  I’ll help you sort through it and keep you on the right track.  Reaching out is an important first step.  And that, to paraphrase the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu, is how you begin any journey, no matter how difficult it appears.

Will Limón, MSW, is the Director of the Center for Health Promotion.  He coordinates educational programs for the Divorce Seminar Center.  Since 1978 he has presented programs on divorce recovery, healthy relationships, self-esteem, communication and energetic healing to thousands of participants.  An internationally-published author, Mr. Limón is the presenter of the Rebuilding DVD series and other books and CDs on healing from divorce soon to be available on DivorceSeminarCenter.com.  He also offers programs, books and DVDs on healthy relationships at Learning2Relate.com. 

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One Comment

  1. Lisa M.
    Posted January 19, 2009 at 3:10 pm | Permalink

    I try for many years thinking that my married would work out, but we have been married for 9 years, and nothing has change. I thought I could help change my husband to be on my level, and it’s just not going to happen. I have dealt with alot of pain in my marriage. Life long expections that look like is never going to happen. So many scars, from the hurts and struggling with my husband. I now Oregon and he lives in Oklahoma where I use live. And not he has resentment toward me because he thinks me leaving is all about him. He don’t get it, no matter how much I explain, I will continue to be the blame for everything. I can’t live like this anymore. The tough thing about all of this is I love him, and just fining the way to finally walk away. It’s hard for me we have three children together, and it hurts, and I haven’t went through the process of getting an divorce; but I see that it’s a step I must take.


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